What do I mean by alcoholism minus the alcohol?  Valid question and one that might take a little explaining, so bear with me.

My husband (we'll call him C) grew up in an alcoholic family.  His dad stopped drinking when C was in his early teens, but his mother continued to drink until an unrelated illness prevented her from ingesting anything at all.  His siblings each have struggled with alcohol.  One is active in her recovery, one stopped drinking when he saw the glimmer of a problem, while another actively drinks to excess on a regular basis.  But hubby doesn't drink much. I think he's been drunk maybe 4-5 times during our relationship.  He saw the effect alcohol had on his parents and simply decided not to go there.

But just because he decided not to drink doesn't mean he can't exhibit alcoholic behaviors.  While his drug of choice isn't alcohol, it's something even harder to combat.  It lies under the cloak of respectability and responsible actions.  It hides behind the guise of charity and generosity. But the lying, the selfishness, and irresponsible spending.  Inability to cope when disaster happens.  Even if the disaster is as minor as a leaky toilet.  Shifting blame and guilt to his family while projecting a facade of perfection to the world.  It's all there.  A perfect storm of behaviors found in alcoholics and their children.

So what is his addiction, you ask?  What could be so bad if it's associated with charity & respectability?  Let me tell you.  C is obsessed with how others see him.  His need to project that aura of perfection...perfect house, perfect family, perfect life, just perfect everything...has created an environment that is unsustainable.  People think he's wonderful...and he can be...but the choices he makes to keep the compliments coming, to create the feeling of worth that he just can't seem to find within.  Those choices are tearing us apart.