Have I mentioned I have two short people? I do. The are the most amazing, incredible, short people ever. Seriously. Great senses of humor, smart, cute as all get out. Watching them learn about the world and guiding them on their journey is one of my most fulfilling experiences.
But I'm not so wrapped up in the little darlings that I think they do no wrong. Some times the wrongs are just so incredibly funny, you'd have to be made of stone not to let out even a giggle.
S is 3, hilariously, adorably 3. Tiny for her age, people always remark how sweet & delicate & precious she is. Man, does she have them fooled. In reality, S is a pistol in a tutu & denim. On the surface, she's sweet. Dig a little deeper & she's as tough as the jeans she wears. But she doesn't stop there. Oh no...she's quick to tell you how she feels & heaven help you is you tick her off.
Case in point. S received a couple "My Little Ponies" for her birthday. You know those plastic horses with long hair & little accessories to adorn said hair. We all know that those tiny plastic barrettes are really just legos in disguise, waiting for an bare adult foot to come into view. But I digress...
S loves those ponies & when she saw one of her aunts admiring one a little too closely, she saw red. Snatching it out of dear old Auntie's hand with a cry of "Das MINE!", S was quickly asked to apologize. "I so sowwy, Auntie. Dat wasn't nice of me." That should have been the end, but it was far from over. She watched me silently out of the corner of her eye, & as soon as I was out of earshot, she made her move. Sidling up to her Auntie, she whispered, "But don't evah, evah, touch my pony again!"
And that, my friends, is just one reason why you should never judge a girl by her tutu...
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
What do I mean by alcoholism minus the alcohol? Valid question and one that might take a little explaining, so bear with me.
My husband (we'll call him C) grew up in an alcoholic family. His dad stopped drinking when C was in his early teens, but his mother continued to drink until an unrelated illness prevented her from ingesting anything at all. His siblings each have struggled with alcohol. One is active in her recovery, one stopped drinking when he saw the glimmer of a problem, while another actively drinks to excess on a regular basis. But hubby doesn't drink much. I think he's been drunk maybe 4-5 times during our relationship. He saw the effect alcohol had on his parents and simply decided not to go there.
But just because he decided not to drink doesn't mean he can't exhibit alcoholic behaviors. While his drug of choice isn't alcohol, it's something even harder to combat. It lies under the cloak of respectability and responsible actions. It hides behind the guise of charity and generosity. But the lying, the selfishness, and irresponsible spending. Inability to cope when disaster happens. Even if the disaster is as minor as a leaky toilet. Shifting blame and guilt to his family while projecting a facade of perfection to the world. It's all there. A perfect storm of behaviors found in alcoholics and their children.
So what is his addiction, you ask? What could be so bad if it's associated with charity & respectability? Let me tell you. C is obsessed with how others see him. His need to project that aura of perfection...perfect house, perfect family, perfect life, just perfect everything...has created an environment that is unsustainable. People think he's wonderful...and he can be...but the choices he makes to keep the compliments coming, to create the feeling of worth that he just can't seem to find within. Those choices are tearing us apart.
My husband (we'll call him C) grew up in an alcoholic family. His dad stopped drinking when C was in his early teens, but his mother continued to drink until an unrelated illness prevented her from ingesting anything at all. His siblings each have struggled with alcohol. One is active in her recovery, one stopped drinking when he saw the glimmer of a problem, while another actively drinks to excess on a regular basis. But hubby doesn't drink much. I think he's been drunk maybe 4-5 times during our relationship. He saw the effect alcohol had on his parents and simply decided not to go there.
But just because he decided not to drink doesn't mean he can't exhibit alcoholic behaviors. While his drug of choice isn't alcohol, it's something even harder to combat. It lies under the cloak of respectability and responsible actions. It hides behind the guise of charity and generosity. But the lying, the selfishness, and irresponsible spending. Inability to cope when disaster happens. Even if the disaster is as minor as a leaky toilet. Shifting blame and guilt to his family while projecting a facade of perfection to the world. It's all there. A perfect storm of behaviors found in alcoholics and their children.
So what is his addiction, you ask? What could be so bad if it's associated with charity & respectability? Let me tell you. C is obsessed with how others see him. His need to project that aura of perfection...perfect house, perfect family, perfect life, just perfect everything...has created an environment that is unsustainable. People think he's wonderful...and he can be...but the choices he makes to keep the compliments coming, to create the feeling of worth that he just can't seem to find within. Those choices are tearing us apart.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Discoveries & plans
What happens when you discover the person you are? When that discovery opens your eyes? Opens them to all the things that are wrong in your relationship. To the unacceptability of your spouse's behavior, which really, has been unacceptable all along?
In a few short months I will embark on the scariest journey of my life. After years of watching the man I love fall deeper into the abyss of alcoholism minus the alcohol, I have decided that I cannot remain in an unhealthy relationship just because it's easy. It may be easier to have access to a mortgage-covering paycheck. It may be easier overlook the emotional turmoil and stress because it's not a constant. It may be easier than trying to make it on my own with two short people in tow. But is walking on eggshells worth the temporary peace? Is remaining silent about my continued unhappiness worth my sanity? Is this the example I want to set for my children? I think not.
I have tried to repair the relationship. I will continue to try, but there is a limit to the effort I am willing to expend. I am not willing to wait forever. I don't want to feel this way in five years. I don't want to feel this way next year. I have offered him every opportunity to do his part. Time is running out.
I discovered who I am, now I need to figure out what that means apart from him. Because, after all, I am worth more than what I am being given. I deserve to be loved for who I am.
In a few short months I will embark on the scariest journey of my life. After years of watching the man I love fall deeper into the abyss of alcoholism minus the alcohol, I have decided that I cannot remain in an unhealthy relationship just because it's easy. It may be easier to have access to a mortgage-covering paycheck. It may be easier overlook the emotional turmoil and stress because it's not a constant. It may be easier than trying to make it on my own with two short people in tow. But is walking on eggshells worth the temporary peace? Is remaining silent about my continued unhappiness worth my sanity? Is this the example I want to set for my children? I think not.
I have tried to repair the relationship. I will continue to try, but there is a limit to the effort I am willing to expend. I am not willing to wait forever. I don't want to feel this way in five years. I don't want to feel this way next year. I have offered him every opportunity to do his part. Time is running out.
I discovered who I am, now I need to figure out what that means apart from him. Because, after all, I am worth more than what I am being given. I deserve to be loved for who I am.
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